What Is Your Child's Happiness Score?
I'm a fixer - always have been - you got something wrong?
I want to fix it - take away your pain - sort it out for you!
One of the biggest lessons my kids have taught me is that being a fixer is not always a good or empowering solution.
Fixing focuses on the deficit, on the lagging skill, on the thing he can't do well. We poured so much energy into the fixing with my son I reckon we could have powered a small city.
When you find yourself focusing on the D words - dyslexia, disability, disorder, dyscalculia, deficit, you know you are in the fixer camp - in the red zone for happiness.
We helped our severely dyslexic son to learn to read - important?
Yes... but what we have discovered is that helping him GROW is so much more important.
Our son had to suffer deep emotional trauma to turn me into a grower.
The grower end of the scale focuses on strengths, it uses joy as a compass for what to explore next.
It fills our kid's hearts with curiosity, pride and self-worth. The time spent in grower mode - where there is the most joy and happiness makes the hard work of supporting lagging skills so much easier.
My challenge to you today is to reflect on where you sit on the fixer - grower scale.
You have a choice about how and where you spend your time and energy. I'm not saying don't support the lagging skills, I'm saying be intentional about where and how you spend your time and energy.
The sweet spot for that needle will be personal and different for every kid and every family. Just be aware of the danger of getting stuck in the red zone - balance is the key!
See you next time!